POSTED 03.06.2026 // 10:13:00 PM // CLOWN // STATUS: HONK
I HAVE TRIED A LOT OF CLOWN NOSES. HERE'S THE TEA.
Every clown remembers their first nose. It's the smallest mask in the world, and somehow it's also the most powerful one. You put it on and suddenly you're allowed to be gloriously, painfully, wonderfully YOU.
So yes, I have opinions. Many. Here they are, ranked by nothing except my feelings.
TRIED IT
BEST FOR: STRINGLESS FREEDOM
My first one showed up with a defect (weird little dents, rude). They graciously sent me a brand new one, dent-free, no fuss. I LOVE that it's stringless. Nothing digging into the back of my head mid-scene. I do miss the shape of my old nose, though: slightly smaller, but still not feminine. A very specific vibe. I'm still grieving it.
BEST FOR: FEELING FANCY
A premium-feeling nose that still has a good amount of flex. Challenging on larger noses, though. I originally bought mine from Green Fools, and they've been out of stock for ages. Just Clown Noses carries them too... when they're actually in stock. (They weren't when I needed them. I'm fine. I'm FINE.)
BEST FOR: BIG SNOOTS + KIDS
Tinier than you'd think! It caps the end of your nose in a really cute way, which makes it PERFECT if you've got a larger nose. Also fantastic for kids.
BEST FOR: WORKSHOPS ON A BUDGET
Nice classic shine! But these are sharp and rigid, so watch your face. Hot tip: you can shave the edges down easily, or slap bandages on them so they don't scrape as much. Clowning is a craft AND a first aid kit.
🔴 BRANCATO
BEST FOR: NOSTALGIA
They had a discount nose, Naso in gomma morbida, rosso (soft rubber nose, red), that seems to have vanished from the shop. You might find something similar elsewhere. It was a lot like my very first nose, so it'll always have a special place in my heart. 🥹 Brancato has a whole nose aisle, and I've got my eye on another one (see below).
ON DECK
🔴 IMAN LIZARAZU
STATUS: NEXT UP
Haven't tried these yet, but they're next on my list. Jan Henderson can NOT stop talking about them, and when Jan talks noses, I listen. Review incoming.
🔴 BRANCATO: RUBBER NOSE WITH ELASTIC
STATUS: INTRIGUED
Brancato strikes again! This one's a Naso Clown in gomma con elastico (rubber clown nose with elastic), and the SHAPE has me hooked. Will it dethrone my stringless darlings? Will the elastic betray me mid-pratfall? Only one way to find out. Review incoming.